My friend and mentor, Jane Pollak, wrote this in her book, Soul Proprietor: “Truly understanding your core values will make some choices easier to refuse.” This has become a guiding principle for me. Whenever I have a choice to make, I try to weigh what’s really important against all the “shoulda-woulda-coulda” thoughts that go through my head. Believe me, I don’t always remember to check in with myself… and I don’t always succeed. But when I do align my choices with my values, I feel it in my “b-ing.” It feels authentic.

This quote came in handy a couple of times this week. One situation involved a business decision. A year ago, I would have jumped on this opportunity. Today, I realized that my dream is here with Wouldn’t It B Nice? While still attractive, I said, “No thanks.” You know what happened? The person is open to other possibilities for working together.

The second situation involved my kids. Both of them had lots of homework tonight, but Thursdays are filled with choir practice for Ben and football for Jack… so they were both exhausted before even cracking a book. Me? Well, I have been carrying around a project I said I’d do for a friend for weeks. I thought tonight would be the night to really get into it. But when I sat in front of my computer, Jane’s quote, which is framed on my desk, was staring at me, reminding me to be present to what’s most important right now.

So, I read two chapters aloud to Ben so he could relax his eyes and just listen; then I turned to Jack who was trying to make sense of his science homework. With my exercise ball and a chair tilted on an angle to make a ramp, I made a simple machine, demonstrating decreased force x increased distance = easier work. A great reminder for me — not just because I finally understand everything I have forgotten from sixth grade science. Because it reinforces my understanding that with a little effort shared by many over great distances, we’ll make the work of positive change easier.

I’m always thinking about nice things I can do for others. But today, I let my sister do something kind for me. For years, she’s wanted to rearrange my furniture. She has a real talent for it. But for some reason, I have resisted asking her to help me. Maybe it’s because I have always been considered “the creative one” in our family and enjoy having an eclectic home where not everything matches… maybe because in some way, I see her desire to change things in my home as some form of criticism. (Boy, that goes back to being 14 years old again!)

But my life is in transition in so many ways. I feel movement in positive directions… especially when I surrender to what is and go with the flow. So today, I let my resistant guard down and let my big sister do whatever she wanted (almost!) in my house. The result was fabulous. She moved things I already had. She bought me a few new throw pillows and a couple area rugs she knew would pull the rooms together. She also gave me curtains, lamps and a bed dust ruffle she wasn’t using anymore.

I had to go out to a meeting this morning, so I let her in, helped her lift the rugs from her car (not seeing what the patterns were or anything!), and left her to her work. When I got back, she was putting on some finishing touches. In two hours, she had transformed my home with just a few simple touches that made such a difference. Obviously, this was a tremendous act of kindness on her part. But I realized that it was also an act of kindness from me. By letting her redecorate, I showed her that I trusted her with something as personal as my home… I let her do something she loves… I invited her to do what she has been wanting to do for me for years: make me happy and show me that she, too, is creative. It was a total win-win. Doesn’t kindness always work that way?

OK, so she broke one mirror. I think I can forgive her. ; )

My son, Jack, started playing football last year. I was one of those moms who swore her child wouldn’t play a sport in which he could easily loose teeth or consciousness in one play. But here he is, playing it again in the sixth grade and loving it. Football has been really good for Jack. He’s learned what it means to “b a sport” and a team player; and it has given him a greater sense of self-esteem - not to mention quite a set of six-pack abs for a soon-to-be 11-year-old. I mention this because just this weekend, Jack received a letter from a high school football player.

The letter was one of many that went out from high school players to kids playing the sport in lower grades. The young man who wrote Jack - Harry - told him how cool it was that he was playing football and he wanted him to know that “even if you are younger than us, you are considered part of our family.” It went on to compliment him and his teammates for their hard work and for running the same plays as the high school players. Enclosed in the envelope was a little sticker for Jack to put on his helmet. “This signifies that you are part of our family at the high school.” I’m sure Jack’s teammates got a similar letter and sticker.

But I watched as Jack read this short letter - his dimple emerging as his lips curved in a little smile. It meant a lot to him. To me, it was a shining example of the power of words and how an unexpected note can change someone’s day for the better.

I will tell you another quick story that demonstrates the flip side: This morning, while rushing to get the boys ready and out the door to catch the 7:20am school bus, I made a hasty comment to my other son about his not being ready. The details aren’t important, but suffice it to say, it stung. Ben said to me, “That really makes me feel good, Mom.” Of course, that was a sarcastic comment. And he was right to say that. I apologized and explained what I really meant. OK, I know, nobody’s perfect. But this little incident inspired this post - about the power of one’s words to make a positive impact - or not.

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A moment of silence in honor of those who lost their lives and loved ones on this day, eight years ago.